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Scolari: Vocal figure on Portugal bench
As I switched on the radio after Turkey's thrilling win over Switzerland on Wednesday (my friend Neil and I were about to crack on with the Eye Player Euro 2008 tournament on the PlayStation), an in-depth discussion was already raging on the two big stories of the night. Several people were talking over one another, and initially we both thought that Luiz Felipe Scolari had been hired as 'The Apprentice' while Lee McQueen had been appointed the new manager of Chelsea.
We quickly realised our mistake, but for a few seconds various scenarios were unfolding in our minds. How long would it take for Big Phil to fall out with Sir Alan Sugar and slap him round the chops? Serbia's Ivica Dragutinovic was on the receiving end of Scolari's rage during Euro 2008 qualifying and that was after a 1-1 draw. What would be the outcome if the belligerent bearded businessman went toe-to-toe with the fiery Gene Hackman lookalike over a botched order for Amstrad Sky+ boxes?
And how would Lee handle the pressure in the Stamford Bridge hotseat? He looked pretty uncomfortable in the interview process the other work so the press conferences would certainly be a struggle. I suppose the 'reverse pterodactyl' impression might inspire the Chelsea troops at half-time, it seems to have kept the other Apprentice candidates rolling in the aisles for the last two months. By the way, I'm yet to work out where the 'reverse' comes into it - isn't it just a straightforward pterodactyl impression? Yet another misleading statement from McQueen I feel. He's better off with Sir Alan.*
Extravagant
Scolari was in fine form on the touchline in Geneva on Wednesday, barking instructions to anyone within a 20-metre radius as Portugal played out out an exciting encounter with the Czech Republic. We keep being told that his English isn't up to much, but language is a secondary communication tool to Big Phil. It's all in the extravagant hand gestures, the furious shaking of the head, the bulging eyes that strike fear into the hearts of lesser men. I can't wait to see him rattle a few cages at Chelsea. This is, after all, a man who admired the work of dictator General Pinochet in Chile, and who has said he will not tolerate any suspect bedroom activity from his players. Just as well he's already got two Portuguese full-backs at the club in Bosingwa and Paulo Ferreira, because I can already think of one Englishman who may be surplus to requirements.
Turkey managed to triumph over both the weather and Switzerland at a sodden St Jakob-Park in the evening game. After all the talk of 'the Battle of Istanbul' two years ago, the torrential rainfall washed out any potential fireworks, as the players simply concentrated on trying to pass the ball through the puddles. With his side trailing at half-time, 'the Emperor' Fatih Terim made two substitutions which soon paid off with Semih heading in from Nihat's excellent left-wing cross. Questions had to be asked about the goalkeeper, although I can hardly criticise after some woeful performances between the sticks in recent post-work kickabouts. And when Arda Turan scored the stoppage-time winner, Swiss coach Kobi Kuhn - a dead ringer for John Lithgoe out of Third Rock From The Sun - looked very confused indeed. The Austro-Swiss bid won the right to host Euro 2008 five-and-a-half years ago, and now both nations could be out of their own tournament within six days. Too cruel.
Credentials
As for the Turks, if they draw with the Czechs in Geneva on Sunday a penalty shoot-out will be needed to separate the sides and decide who goes through to the quarter-finals. Petr Cech would be favourite to come out on top in that one, but Turkey goalkeeper Volkan Demirel has great credentials too. Remember his performance for Fenerbahce against Sevilla in the Champions League round of 16? Volkan let in two soft goals, but then performed heroics in the shoot-out with three spot-kick saves.
It should make for an exciting finale in Group A, but until then someone else will be hogging the limelight. The Premier League may lose Cristiano Ronaldo, but with Big Phil about to start work at Chelsea the viewing figures surely won't suffer.
* Breaking news - thanks to Sporting Life's Chris Hammer for providing this: "In an interview today, Lee explained where the 'reverse' comes into that impression of the flying dinosaur. He claims it's because he's standing still and by swinging his arms backwards, the dinosaur can hover in the air rather than fly forward! A bit odd, but thats his reason." So there you have it.
Comments
Okeda Abuoga (Arsenal fan) says...
Sometimes i wonder why we are so negative,in life,there is always a first time onto something hence even if Scolari has never coached any Club in Europe,isn't Football the same all over?Manchester United Assistant coach was once Hired by Real Madrid,what did he do?he flopped.Football is all about tactics and experience not where you have coached before.For your information,its Brazilian players that shine in Europe,why not Him?Lets give him a chance,Even Grant with no Credentials performed better than MOST QUALIFIED MANAGERS LIKE BENITEZ AND ERICKSSON. We want to see attractive football not HIT AND Run and to me though i support ARSENAL,am happy for Chelsea.
Posted 08:04 14th June 2008
Sunny Takhar (Manchester United fan) says...
Scolari will be fine. So many people seem to be jumping on his lack of club management, lack of ability to speak English, as well as other things to justify their belief that he will not do well at Chelsea. He is a larger than life personality and he has a winning persona and mentality, and all of those things are what Avram Grant did not have - if Grant could do as well as he did without those things, Scolari will be fine.
Posted 22:03 13th June 2008
Simon Holmes (Arsenal fan) says...
Hmmm - I wonder if I am the only person thinking this appointment may backfire on Chelsea in the end? Remember Scolari was approached for the England job, but as soon as the media interest became a bit intense 'ran away'. Will that media interest be any less intense with him at Chelsea? Plus, as pointed out by Andy Hone below, he has not managed at club level for some time. And how is his English? Or Russian??!? It will be an interesting season at Chelski Towers for sure...
Posted 10:00 13th June 2008
The editor says.... Scolari said at the time: "There are 20 reporters outside my house now. If that is part of another culture, it is not part of my culture. I am not the coach, and will not be (England's) coach." I hope he's not expecting a quiet life at Chelsea!
Andy Hone (Chelsea fan) says...
I feel absolutly delighted that Scolari has joined Chelsea, he has a lot of talent in the managing department, the only downfall I can find is that he has not manged at club level for quite some time, although I feel he as the perfect credentials to adapt to the job, I feel he will be a great asset to Chelsea.
Posted 21:14 12th June 2008
Andrew Abrams (Chelsea fan) says...
Steven, mate...he will get a BRILLIANT welcome at chelsea, so there.
Posted 20:21 12th June 2008
Steven L (Celtic fan) says...
I don't know that him admiring Pinochet will "strike fear into the hearts of lesser men" - Pinochet got others to torture his victims and never stood up when he was caught. He hid. Scolari has lost all respect I had since hearing about this and I wonder what reception he'll get at Chelsea.
Posted 16:05 12th June 2008
Anwar Mohamed (Chelsea fan) says...
AM SO HAPPY AS SCOLARI JOIN CHELSEA AS A MANAGER.HOPEFULLY WE WIL ACHIEVE WHAT BRASIL ACHIEVED.
Posted 15:13 12th June 2008
Osundiji Abbey (Chelsea fan) says...
"GOD IS BLUES "I AM HAPPY WE HAVE SCOLARI AT LAST BUT I WILL BE MORE HAPPIER IF WE CAN GET MESSI AND TORRES ON BOARD
Posted 13:46 12th June 2008
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