Push the button

Date published: Thursday 3rd December 2009 1:20

Four defeats has Ince searching for new answers

After losing terrifically for four league games running causing our slide out of the play-off picture the usual noises will begin to resonate out of the dressing room.

Everyone has heard the same old clichés about working harder, but my personal favourite is the one involving a mythological panic button and the lack of pressing of it.

I’m sure that Mr Ince and his coaching staff will have that mantra on continual repeat at the moment, ‘We will not be pressing the panic button just yet’. This has got me thinking about what this mythological panic button actually is? Where is it kept? Has anyone actually ever pressed it before? Has anything any good ever come after pressing said button? Do you get the Sugababes in to press it?

Whilst racking my brains for times at which it has been pressed before I could only come up with Derby when they were last in the Premiership and lost every game. For them the button came cunningly disguised in the shape of Laurent Robert.

The only other example of someone pressing the panic button that I can think of was when Stuart Pearce brought David James on upfront instead of an outfield player. That managerial master stroke seems to be the epitome of desperation and panic.

Curiosity

I am suggesting another course of action for our recently disastrously poor side. Instead of not pressing the panic button I am curious to see what would happen if we did actually press it. I want us to press it. In psychological terms it is called the Act of the Perverse.

It is that voice at the back of your mind that tells you to do something even though you know it is patently the wrong thing to do but you do it just to see what will happen.

If we lose the next few league games then surely we will find Mr Ince and Winkelman rooting around their desks wild eyed and crazy haired (well in Winkelman’s case it isn’t possible to have crazier hair) looking for a piece of paper with the code to unlock the box that the button is kept within, tears streaming down their cheeks.

Then once found they will unlock the box, enter the secret code and then loom heavy over the button before closing their eyes and nervously pushing down on it. And then…whatever happens surely it has got to be better than what we have at the moment.

Also when will the FA finally get rid of the antiquated ninety minutes per game? Everyone knows that this is far too long for a game to run in these modern times when time is seemingly so sparse.

Everyone would rather a game lasted 89 minutes giving us back a precious 60 seconds. Someone needs to tell our defence that as yet the FA are not budging on my proposal and that matches do last for ninety plus minutes.

Is it really time to panic at Stadium MK? Can you remember any other times that the panic button has been hit? Join in the FanZone debate by filling in the form below.

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