We’re all doomed!

Moaning on together

“Strange, isn’t it? If you stand in the middle of a library, put your arms up and go ‘AAARGH!!!’, everyone looks at you like you’re an idiot. But if you do the same thing on an aeroplane, everyone joins in!”

I make no apology for once again opening this column with a terrible joke, as the words of the late, great Tommy Cooper are relevant to Leeds United’s current situation. Two short weeks ago, when the club was on the crest of a wave of goals, everything looked rosy and we ignored the grumpy blokes who sat in the corner of our local, grumbling into their pints about the lack of midfield depth, or George McCartney’s dodgy positioning. Three disappointing results later, and the same grumpy blokes are now seen as prophets of doom, who saw the club’s demise coming, and tried to warn us. Everyone’s starting to panic, and it’s getting me down.

This isn’t, of course, the first mini-apocalypse of this season. A run of four losses from five games in October brought the doomsayers out again, as predictably as ever. “Grayson has lost his way!” wailed one tragically disturbed reader in the comments section of this very page. Then we embarked on a monster unbeaten run, which lasted all the way into the new year.

Even that didn’t stop the pessimism. An admittedly disappointing 3-3 draw with Portsmouth led to some fans crucifying Andy O’Brien across the message boards. As a response, I wrote an article in the style of a court transcript, presenting the cases for and against dropping O’Brien, which some well-meaning but ultimately misguided types failed to read properly, took as a criticism of O’Brien and started discussing me in language that their mums probably wouldn’t be too proud of. The good thing that came out of this is that they did, at least, come to the same conclusion as me; we’re far too quick to stick the knife into our players when things go wrong.

diabolical

The Swansea game was a diabolical spectacle, and I won’t make excuses for the team. That doesn’t, however, justify some of the comments aired at half-time on the radio commentary. One furious listener went so far as to claim that we were a ‘massively over-achieving team of League One players’. I agree that we were League One quality on the day, but let’s not forget the previous twenty league matches, only one of which ended in defeat. You don’t put a run like that down to over-achievement, not unless you’ve got the memory of a lobotomised goldfish.

OK, the landscape has shifted slightly, and we’re not quite as secure in sixth place as we were, but let’s not be so quick to forget our team’s strengths. We have the firepower to outgun any side in our division on our day. And just in case the attack continues to look as stagnant as it did against Swansea, we have an ace up our sleeve to rectify the problem. Lloyd Sam’s illness could be a blessing in disguise if it opens the door for Ramon Nunez.

Nunez is our ingredient X. We know little about him, and our rivals will know less. What we do know is that he’s a footballer of some standing in Central America, having been voted player of the tournament in the Central American Cup, and that he’s got a thing for long-range goals.

Also, he’s got 16,000 fans on Facebook, more than Becchio, Gradel and Snodgrass combined. They all plainly think that he’s got something good about him, and they can’t all be wrong (incidentally, the Dave Guile Sky Sports FanZone page now has 47 fans, 46 of whom aren’t me. If you’re enjoying this article, look me up).

Right, that’s my little grumble out of the way, and I’m now off on holiday, so I’ll return in a couple of weeks. The optimist in me says we’ll be at least fifth by then. We’d better be, or I’m not coming back.